


Troubled Dreams

by squiddlebite



Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Sadstuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-07
Updated: 2014-03-07
Packaged: 2018-01-14 22:48:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1281628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/squiddlebite/pseuds/squiddlebite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What exactly happened the night Meulin lost her hearing?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Night Of

“Hurry up Kurloz!! The view is just purrfect up here. It would be just clawful if you missed it!” Meulin calls as she unceremoniously plops down at the top of the boulder with a swish of her curly, black hair.

“Don’t worry Meulin. I must only figure out a way up there. It is unfortunate for me that some people are not part feline.” Your sarcasm is almost as thick as your deep, resonant voice. You begin to climb up the face of the rock. You are doing quite well up until you lose your footing and begin to slip. There is nowhere to put your limbs, and it is quite a long way down. “Um… Meulin?”

“Here.” She takes your outstretched hand, and with surprising strength heaves you on top of the rock. “See? No purroblem.”

The view from atop the boulder is astounding. The sky before you and your matesprit is painted with rich violet and fuchsia, and you can spot a sliver of the orange, setting sun peeking over the grassy hills on the horizon.

“Isn’t it purrety?” You nod and seat yourself next to Meulin, who then proceeds to crawl into your lap and settle her head against your chest.

You wish you could stay in this moment— this miracle— forever. When you can forget about the dreams where you wake up screaming in the middle of the night. When you can bury your face in her bushy hair and breathe in the scent of rosemary and catnip. When you can feel her soft purring on your chest as she nestles closer to you. You could revel in this moment for the rest of your life if you wanted to.

But you can’t.

You sit in silence until the sun is completely behind the hills.

“Why don’t we head back to the hive? It’s getting dark.”

“I suppaws.” Meulin sighs as she stands up and begins to climb down the rock.

\----------

By the time you reach your hive, it is completely dark outside. Half way through the walk, Meulin had asserted, “I’m sleepy Kurloz. Can you give me a kitty back ride?” You complied of course, and now your matesprit is fast asleep. You are extremely weary, and you carefully enter your room. There is no way to lay her down without waking her up.

“Meulin. We’re home.” You hum gently.

She raises her head and blinks sleepily as a soft “Hmm?” escapes her lips. You set her gently on her feet. Meulin slowly lumbers over to your recupercoon, removes her shirt and pants, and climbs in. Her small body leaves plenty of room for the two of you, so you do the same. You lie there quiet for a while. It is silent except for Meulin’s shallow breathing, and you can feel the expanding and contracting through her back which is pressed against your chest. Her body is warm, and her pale grey skin is smooth against yours. You can tell by her regular breathing that she is asleep, but nonetheless you gently press your lips to her neck before whispering a hushed “Goodnight Darling.” Then you too, drift into unconsciousness.


	2. The Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The dream.  
> TW: graphic violence/blood

The ground beneath your bare feet is wet and cold, and the sky is a dim grey. You don’t know where you are, or why, but you feel a great sense of urgency. There is something that you _must_ do, and you soon find yourself panicking. Cold sweat begins to roll down your temples and into your thick, curly hair as your look around frantically, and rack your brain for whatever it is you’re forgetting.

That’s when you hear a faint cry in the distance— somewhere behind you. You spin around and try to run toward the sound. Your legs hardly work and you’re barely making any progress, but you begin to see an outlined figure in front of you. It’s larger than any troll and it is holding something small high above its head.

As you steadily get closer, you realize that this huge thing is your Lusus—

Your eyes widen in shock and you intake your breath sharply.

As a rule, Trolls rarely have what you would call ‘caring’ or ‘loving’ Custodians. However, it’s safe to say that yours was exceptionally brutal. You would have killed it yourself if he hadn’t gotten in that fight with another Lusus. But, despite it being dead, there it stood in front of you. It towered 30 feet above you, its blue fur bristling and its fangs bared. Then you notice the thing it is holding in its clawed fist. What you see makes you cry out in anguish. It is Meulin.

She is trembling with fear and tears are streaming down her face. You try to call out to her but you can’t form the words. You are no match for your massive Lusus, but you reach for your sword anyway, only to find that it is missing. In one last desperate attempt, you try to leap at the beast, but you are frozen in place. All you can do is watch in horror and despair as your Custodian raises her to its mouth and bites down on her rib cage with a gruesome crunch, her lime blood spilling into its mouth and dripping from its hideous fangs. He carefully swallows the rest of her, and looks you defiantly in the eye.

Your whole world comes crashing down as you let out a long, earth-shattering scream.

You are jolted awake.

Chapter Three

You sit up in one quick, fluid motion, and you find that Meulin is already sitting up.

“Meulin?”

She turns to you with a look of fear and concern. “K-kurlozz” The word is slurred; she looks like she’s struggling to talk. “Wha happned?? “Ar you oky?”

“I’m fine. Meulin— Why are you talking like that? Are you alright?”

Meulin looks at you in bewilderment and incomprehension. “Krzoz I— I can’t—“

Then you notice the emerald blood dripping from her ears.

Your eyes widen. “How loud did I scream? _Oh god_.” There have been instances where you have screamed so loud that the glass in your windows shattered. This has obviously surpassed those times, considering… You grab Meulin and pull her into your arms. “Meulin. I’m so sorry.” Tears spill over the corners of your eyes as Meulin begins to sob into your chest. “ _What have I done_.”

\----------

Once you get her cleaned up and bandaged, you leave her in the care of her Lusus. She is a capable caregiver, more so then you could ever hope to be. Guilt consumes you, and you can’t stand to be in Meulin’s presence—the self-loathing you feel takes over your every thought. You do not deserve to be with her. You have hurt her, and she probably hates you now. Why couldn’t you just have kept your goddamned mouth shut?!

You pace back to your hive with quick, long strides, and a new sense of determination.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here's the ending. It's not a happy ending ok  
> TW: self harm

You open the door to your hive and slam it forcibly behind you. You rush to the bathroom and force yourself to look in the mirror you cracked with your unforgivable screeching. You glare at your warped reflection with revulsion. You slam your fists down on the counter in rage, and furiously knock everything onto the bathroom floor. Then you notice something on the floor— several large needles, and black thread. You pick them up and look at them for a long time.

You’ve made up your mind. If Meulin has been so cruelly robbed of her ability to speak, then it’s unfair that you should be allowed to continue unharmed.

Besides, how else are you going to keep yourself from hurting anyone?

You look back at yourself as you utter the last words you will ever say.

“This is justice.”

The needles are much larger than what is used surgically, which means it will hurt more. _Good._ You quickly thread a needle and brace yourself. You clench your fist to keep from making a sound; then you pierce a corner of your bottom lip and pull the needle all the way through. A stream of amethyst blood drips down to your chin. You fix your stare on the mirror, and puncture your upper lip the same way. Then, you—excruciatingly— pull the needle and thread through until a corner of your mouth is pulled shut.

Tears well up in your eyes, but you do not allow them to fall. _For Meulin._ You keep repeating this in your mind as your continue to sew your lips together. _This is for Meulin._

After what seems like years, you have twelve holes and six stitches sealing your lips together. You tie the thread off with finality. You will never speak again. You will never _scream_ again. _You will never hurt her again._

The bottom half of your face is purple with blood, and both your shirt and the bathroom counter are wet with it as well. You clean up the blood and decide to take a shower.

You stand in the hot water as steam fills the small room. So many painful memories come rushing through your thinkpan.

You remember when you and Meulin had taken a shower together. You remember how she giggled as you played with her hair, and how her slick body felt against yours. How you had laid her down on the shower floor and made love to her. And in her ecstasy, she had left huge scratch marks on your back with her claws. You told her you didn’t mind, but she still felt slightly guilty about that.

You press a hand against your back and feel the scars that she left you that day. Yes, they were still there.

Even when they fade away, they will always be there.


End file.
